Written by: Zaryab Ahmed

Now I know everyone talks about how to ace an exam and how NOT to flunk an exam but today we are going to break the stereotypes and actually ponder upon ways to fail an exam because why not? If you know how to ace an exam and do your absolute best, you should also know how to fail an exam by doing your worst.

Failing an exam is not like acing your exam. It requires less work and more options. Also, passing in any sort of exam comes with risks and uncertainties that you can not fathom and end up NOT getting what you initially desired. It’s always so nerve-wracking that makes you so nervous at times that you just chew all your fingernails and end up getting disappointed if your hard-work did not pay off and you did not get what you set your heart on.

Whereas, to fail an exam, there is no difficulty whatsoever. You have to do what you always do. You wake up, not care about a thing in the world, eat, watch your favorite shows, munch some more, pretend like the world isn’t ending, waste your time in every way possible and then sleep like an angel. Then you are good to go. Easy, right? Everybody can do that. No feelings attached, it is just the opposite of Joey’s relationship with food. (Friends’ reference)

So, keeping in mind all of these facts, it is safe to say that failing is a lot less complicated and more fun because of its simplicity and no surprises. You know instantly when you fail. You don’t have to wait for the final result to pop up to KNOW, you know.

Top 5 Ways to Fail in an Exam

Here are the top 5 ways to fail an exam. I bet you, they are the easiest and the most implement

1. Show Up Late for the Exam:

Now, this is the most obvious thing, no? Whether you forget putting on an alarm to wake you up early or you have just plain overslept and woke up at your usual time when the sun comes and greets you with a special “Good Morning”.

When you show up late for an exam, there are only two things that would happen. First, you won’t be allowed to sit in the exam room and marked absent,and second, you will somehow be dragged to give the exam and not finish your exam on time as you will be preoccupied in much more than the thought of skipping breakfast or your basic morning routine.

In the end, you will not be able to focus on the exam,and doing your best is just out of question at this point but you won’t even be able to “do” your exam.

So automatically, you are failing the exam. Yayy. That’s exactly what we are here for, right?

2. Cram, Cram, and Cram:

Clearly, you have failed to prepare for your exam in ample of time given to you for preparation and studying to successfully pass the exam. Now, this isn’t your motive, to do something you should always remember the true motive behind it and your motive here is clearly failing the exam so what you do is NOT study all those months and finally, the night before the exams, you pick your books up and scan through and try to cram every word it contains as if you are some superhero who is going to get a grip of everything by just cramming everything in one night. (Ssh, this shall remain a secret for mundanes who actually try to study accordingly)

Once, you have crammed everything, the next step is to sleep on it then it is guaranteed that in the morning, your entire memory will vanish like Harry Potter does, wearing the invisibility cloak.

Hence, you will fail. Mission successful!

3. Study by Osmosis

While you’re at it, studying and cramming by opening every book you own, you should just relax and lie down while resting some of your books on top of you, hoping that the material in those books and all the knowledge will get absorbed in your skull and subsequently filter in your brain.

Even if you have some spare time to study and learn the important stuff, it is better if you just do this technique and just wait for the c to happen.

4. Keep Yourself Distracted

You should not think about tomorrow. You should just focus on your current routine and do exactly everything to waste whatever leftover time you have before your exam.

If you are at home, watch the latest Netflix shows and redefine the meaning of being “Netflix’s Binge Racers”.

If you are studying, unfortunately, do not forget to log onto your social media accounts and keep scrolling till you tire yourself out and buzz off to a drool-worthy nap.

Being distracted will prove to be a buzzkill for retentionn of information and ultimately, you will be free of whatever little studying you may have done.

5. Sleep, Food and Water Deprivation:

If you are one of those people who can’t take naps as efficiently as other people, it is most likely to happen that you have deprived yourself of sleep whether the reason has been excess studying or numerous distractions.

Depriving yourself of sleep will result in lethargic and tiring behavior.

Sleep experts recommend sleeping at least 7 hours for your mind and body to function properly but that isn’t what you want so just stay awake for 1-2 and even 3 days straight to keep those cogs moving r-e-al s-l-o-w.

Once, we have cleared and succeeded in depriving our sleep, let’s come to dehydration and not getting enough food to eat either.

This will lead to hunger pangs greater than the wall of China and thirst that will be worse than a drought in the hottest of the deserts.

And that too, during your exam, you are going to feel this instead of recalling Pythagoras theorem or when Pakistan came into being and end up thinking just how wonderful it would feel to have a glass of cold water and your favorite food to have with the yummiest of sides.

Not only this but you will now be a deficit of the basic nutrients; vitamins and minerals, which will inhibit your brain’s maximum functional ability.

In the end, I would just like to add that these ways are not at all recommended as it may seem fun and easy but your grades last forever especially the ones that go a long way.

So it’s best if you just take your time and study well so you don’t have to prepare for the worst.

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